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"احترنا بقى"
Friday, May 4, 2007

I am being tempted time and again to publish that old angry post of mine (which still sits as a draft in my account).

I used to check my mail every morning, looking forward to receiving emails. I used to love getting emails. Now, I don't check my e-mail until late afternoon, and sometimes in the evening; sometimes I don't check it for a few days. I am afraid that it would contain something that will ruin my mood. As usual, I was right in my assessment. Just at a time when I was in no need of a mood-ruining email, given how stressed I am with the amount of work I am expected to hand in, I made the mistake of checking my e-mail. It was an e-mail from one of the professors I work with. I was assigned to him against my will, despite the fact that his main research at the moment has to do with sociology more than political science. I am supposed to work with him only 7 hours per week (2 hours on Monday, 3 hours on Tuesday, 2 hours on Wednesday). At the beginning of the semester, he handed me a stack of (two 300-page) books and some four-five 40+page articles, and told me, given that you are a good student you can probably read all of this in 2 weeks (that's 14 hours of reading time). I rolled my eyes and told him, "we shall see about that". I started reading the book, but soon concluded (not that there was any doubt about it, but I did give his assessment the benefit of the doubt) that not only was 14 hours not enough for that ONE book, but that I could not possibly handle all the books and articles unless I took the whole semester at a rate of 7-hours/week to read them all and write a review of each... He did not bother me for two weeks, and by that time I had finished reading one article and was halfway through one book. One day, 2 weeks after handing me the to-be-read-and-reviewed stack, he came up to me and said, how are the readings going? I told him I had read the article and was halfway through the book. He dropped a hint and asked me if it was because I was too crowded with coursework. At the time I didn't get the hint, I thought that it had nothing to do with his assignment, since I did it from campus and not from home... Now I understand what he meant: he knew it was impossible to read all that he handed me in 14 hours, and he expected me to put in as much work at home as at university. Anyhow, that day I felt there was something wrong with me, and so I took the book and articles home with me, and finished the book and a 150-page article (well, half a photocopied book) in a week's time. As a result of that, I had to skip doing my own coursework readings. The next week I started writing the report and decided I would not take anything home with me that had to do with his research. Last Wednesday, he came to me and inquired about me, again making the coursework hint; I told him I was almost done with the reviews, and he said we should schedule a meeting to discuss where I had reached. I said fine, and he asked me if Friday was fine. We agreed to meet and talk on Friday. After he left, I emailed him my review, and he replied, telling me I had done a great job, but that he was running late on a deadline and needed me to finish everything by next week. On Thursday the bodies of the two kidnapped youths were discovered, and it was officially announced that Friday all schools and universities would be closed. Down the drain went our meeting. This past Monday I went to work for my scheduled hours and continued reading the book, actually skimming it as fast as I could, so that I would finish it by Wednesday. Ditto for Tuesday and Wednesday. I was close to finishing the book on Wednesday, but ran out of time, and thought I would put the finishing touches this coming Monday.

A while ago, I received an e-mail. I will share it with you, without naming the professor of course:
Dear ----,

I have noticed your absence over the past few weeks while not reporting to me during your scheduled work hours. I hope you’re doing well and fine, please let me know if a specific reason is preventing you from coming or from completing your already past due research assignment.

Thanks,
The e-mail was CCed to the department head. Needless to say, hot-headed as I am, I felt the need to reply; I sent a reply, and CCed it to both the head of the department, and the secretary, who sees me every time I go there, as I get the key from her for the room I usually sit in and do the research; or when I do not sit in that room, I cover for her while she goes on a coffee break because there are no other assistants who are present at the department to cover for her.

I replied:
Dr. ----,

I have been coming to the office upstairs or otherwise working from downstairs (at the department); the only days I have been "absent" were Friday (which was not a school day given the fact that the minister of education announced official university closure) and this past Tuesday (May Day). I am not sure if I was expected to show up on those days.

Given the amount of work (two books and a number of articles) you handed me, I have also been forced to do additional hours from home, which has taken up from my own research and study time. Moreover, ---- also handed me an assignment for the [upcoming] conference, and I have been working on that as well (putting in at least 5 hours for the poster design, and more than another 5 hours for schedule leaflet design, which is the equivalent of more than a week's work- 7 hours-with you). I thought he might have mentioned that to you, as that is part of my working hours and not an additional task I am being paid to do. I have accepted ----'s request as per the faculty needs policy that was highlighted to me by ---- himself prior to assigning me as your assistant.

Moreover, I think the secretary and faculty members can testify to my presence in the past few weeks on Monday afternoons, Tuesday mornings and Wednesday afternoons, which is when my hours with you are supposed to be.

P.S. I have also attached the short report (as you requested last Wednesday that I keep my reports short) on the Cultural Resistance book.

Best,
He replied (there is a reason I am posting these):
Dear ----,

More than two months now have passed since I made my request for article reviews. My requests do not require you to read the entire books. As I informed you in the past, you are supposed to work on this 7 hours a week from your office in room 302 B as scheduled and not elsewhere. I do not require you to do any of the assigned work at home. We had a previously scheduled meeting for updates and set deadlines according to which my research has to progress accordingly. Please see me in this regard.

Best,
At this point I was beyond angry. Keep in mind that this whole affair is taking place after a very serious clash between me and the head of the department, on the issue of assignment of graduate research assistants. He had told me in response to my objections to being assigned to professors in sociology, that I was being selfish by not taking into account faculty needs. He insisted that there must be a happy compromise and mutual understanding between the faculty needs and students' interests and abilities. There was not much else that I could do, and I yielded, following which I was assigned with the professor who is the subject of this post...

So, I wrote a long reply -- I will not post all of it because it is quite long and you don't need to read the technical parts of it.
Dr. ----,

First of all, the email I received for G.A. [Graduate Assistantship] assignment from ---- is dated March 19, and I received it only on March 20, following which I talked with you on March 21 and we arranged that I would work on Monday afternoons, Tuesday mornings, and Wednesday afternoons. I believe I officially started on March the 26th. Thus, it has not been two months, but rather, 6 weeks. Six weeks, during which I was supposed to put in 7 hours / week. That makes it 42 hours total, 10 of which I had to put in for ----'s request (which was urgent and deadline-specific, and was handed to me before you told me that you also had a deadline to meet, which you told me on Wednesday, following which I have made every effort to read the 300-page book, or skim it as thoroughly as possible, and write the report). That left me with 32 hours total, for 2 books and more than 5 articles (one of which was half a book), and I do need to read them to a certain depth to understand and be able to summarize or review them.

Moreover, we agreed last Wednesday on a meeting on Friday, which went down the drain given the closure as a result of the killing of the 2 youths. It was only last Wednesday when I forwarded you my report for the book and the article, that you told me that you did not need me to write down long and thorough reports, and I followed your request in my report on the Cultural Resistance book, which I attached in the previous email. I had also read the Planet of Slums piece, and reported to you on that, saying that there was not much to be written, as it was primarily a quantitative / statistical overview.

In addition, I do not recall us having set a specific location for my work, we only agreed that I would work from "here", and by "here" it was not understood your office, or 302 B, but rather, that it would not be work from home but from on-campus, where I would be accessible for any other task that you might need me for. Having said that, much of my work, with the exception of a few days (when I was downstairs at the department for one reason or another, the reason being that another faculty or staff member needed my help which I could not turn down as per the faculty needs policy), has been done from that office, including when you were away from the university for some time (due to travel, from what I understood).

Having said that, I believe ---- was clear when we talked about the policies of assigning G.As, that assistantship dynamics is not a one-sided process of faculty needs (nor only of student needs) , but rather one of mutual understanding and acceptance of the needs, interests, and abilities of the other. This includes the interests, needs, and time constraints (as specified in the "contract" sheet) of the student. I have also assumed that the faculty would take the hour limits into consideration when setting up and defining their expectations.

I am not sure what more is specifically required of me; I have thus far read 2 books and 2 articles in the span of 32 hours of reading time (and additional hours from home, which you seem to dismiss for some reason). If we are to follow a policy of 7 hours and not one second less, then don't you think we would be better off to set up a counter, which would ward off potential controversies in the future?

Lastly, as far as I can recall, and please correct me based on prior email correspondence we may have had, the only time you mentioned a deadline is last Wednesday in your email; since you are dismissing the hours I have put in from home, I could only start working on meeting your deadline from Monday. I have shown up on all three days since then: Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Here are my hours, as I have kept track of them on the sheets:
(snipped)

The above amounts to, even without my attendance during vacations: 42.5 hours. This does not include the hours I put in from home, and 10 hours of work I have put in for ----. Given that I officially started on March 26, which means that I have been your assistant for 6 weeks and not "more than two months" as you said, it would mean that I was required to put in, had there been no vacations, 42 hours in total (6 weeks, 7 hrs / week). This shows that not only have I worked my full times, but also more than that, if we count in the vacations and April 24 (despite which I showed up to work). This does not even include the hours I put in from home, to satisfy your expectations , at a time when I was short for time on my schoolwork.

I suggest, since this correspondence has been CCed also to ----, that we would hold a meeting between the three of us, to further discuss this matter. Because it seems there has been some misunderstanding about the hours that I am expected to put in, and expectations of what I can do within those hours -- and reading two 200+page books and 4-5 articles (almost all of them 30+pages long) in 42 hours is, even by PhD student standards, quite high.

I will be at university for my scheduled hour on Monday, and if ---- is able to meet and would like to discuss this issue, I would love to talk further about this, because I am not very happy with how I am being held over-accountable not for what I am not doing, but for what I am doing.

See you on Monday. [يعني حلّ عنّي بقى...ا]
I probably should not have made these e-mails public, but I am beyond disgusted. I am disgusted by how there is no definition that is upheld in this country, where people can define and re-define everything according to their daily needs and whims. Where people expect more than they are entitled to, and won't shut up about it when they are put in their place by the truth. I am most of all disgusted that a professor, with a PhD, can actually stoop to this level (there are other things that can be said about this certain individual which would literally drop your jaw to the ground, but I will refrain from publicizing them, because that is none of my business). It is beyond beyond disgusting. Sigh. Another afternoon gone to waste.

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posted by Angry Anarchist @ 5/04/2007 03:04:00 PM, ,



The Culprit
Friday, April 20, 2007

I was talking a few days ago with a faculty member, and I don't know how we got into a discussion of the assassination of Rafiq al-Hariri. I was taken aback by his argument. To be honest, I would not have been surprised if it came from an undergraduate student, or the multitudes basing their positions and beliefs on what they hear on their favorite TV station(s). Perhaps I had given too much credit to the academic institution in Lebanon.

Note that the discussion below is not a word-for-word transcript, as I am not in the habit of carrying a tape recorder with me.

Syria the Culprit
~~ or ~~
Prove their innocence or shut the hell up



Me: I have to say, though, that the plausibility that Syria might not be the culprit in the assassination is quite high.
Professor X: Well, no. It isn't.
Me: ...
X: Syria is guilty until proven innocent. Usually it is the other way around, innocent until proven guilty, but in this case it is not.
Me: Why not? What makes it the exception?
X: Because Lebanon was under Syrian occupation and nothing could have gone on without Syria's knowledge.
Me: Oh come on now, that is not true. You are saying there could have been no intelligence agents other than those of Syria?
X: I'm saying that those tons of bombs couldn't have gone unnoticed if it weren't Syria.
Me: Really? Then, by the same token, the Spanish authorities were the ones that carried out the Madrid train bombings?
X: ... the same comparison has been drawn by some people in response to what I have said... but still...
Me: ...

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posted by Angry Anarchist @ 4/20/2007 05:15:00 PM, ,



Prestige
Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The university I attend boasts of being a prestigious institution of higher education (yada yada), receiving whoppy sums delivered by hand by our beloved resident U.S ambassador, Jeffrey Feltman... The library had different tables and chairs last year, which were not shabby to be honest. But last semester, they did a complete makeover and replaced the wooden chairs and tables with IKEA-style fancy tables, revolving chairs, and couches. Now, you can see USAID stickers on all the furniture in the library, from shelves to desks to tables, not to forget computers...

Moving on to the library collection; the stacks are finally open to the students (no one stops you with a "hey you, where do you think you're going?!" when you are about to take the stairs or elevator). I mean, finally they had some sort of revelation it seems, and decided that this was the right way to go; that if I want to take a book out, I would not just do so based on the title and waste my time asking for it only to go through it and discover that it is not relevant to my research. I would instead take my list of shelfmarks and look through the books by myself. I think it would be logical to assume that students are adults and can return the books they don't need, immediately after looking through them, to their correct location. Or even if not, at least place it on an empty shelf on each row specifically reserved for books that people check out but decide not to take out and at the same time do not remember where they took it from in the row... But this doesn't exist. At any rate, the stacks are now open to all. But here again, there is another complication (for which this prestigious center of research and higher education cannot figure out a solution) -- since the stacks were never meant to be opened, there never was a marking of which letters are on which floor. And despite the fact that the stacks are now open, there still isn't such an identification. Instead, you have to hand the person at the circulation desk all your book shelfmarks and he or she will tell you which floor each book is on. Good luck writing that down...!

So after inquiring at the circulation desk, up we go. By the way, by the time the elevator heeds your call, you would have abandoned the idea of sparing your calories and would have taken the stairs instead. So you labor through the floors (good luck climbing 4 floors). And then finally you arrive at your destination. There is a person sitting on a desk on each floor, who, upon your entry, often hurries to you, and makes the (if you are a graduate student) offensive offer, "let me get that for you", trying to pull the paper out of your hand. But you resist, pull the paper from his hand, saying "no thank you very much, I can get it by myself. It's not rocket science, you know."

If you have something to find in the reference section, you go down to the basement, you look around you and are afraid to touch the books because you've had the traumatic experience of someone rushing at you before, in front of everyone, and telling you that he will give you whatever book you want "just don't touch a thing". But then you see there is no one there, and you still don't want to touch the books lest it trigger God's wrath, and so you go to the electronic resources people nearby, and you are 10 meters away from the guy sitting there, he looks at you and says, "sorry we are electronic resources people here, can't help you." Wait a minute, I wasn't holding a sign that read "I need help on a reference book", was I? But what can you do, so you walk away, and for the first time since that doomed traumatic day, you dare to touch the reference books. You find it, and then realize that you need a photocopying card because you can't take the books in the reference section out of the library. You go upstairs to the card vending machine, it says you need a 5,000 Lira note (the old big print not the tiny Monopoly-style version). Fabulous. You have a 10,000 note, and you gather your hopes and go to the circulation desk, ask the circulation people if they have change. No they don't. So what can I do? I need to photocopy this (not for me, for a professor -- w shu hal professor wlo). The girl says, "you get a 5,000 and get a photocopy card". Ha ha. Very funny. But then it's your lucky day, and the guy asks you who the professor is, and you tell him, and he says, fine, take the book out for 10 minutes, but you have to give me your ID. Thank God for wasta.

So you go home that day, all happy and satisfied. After having something to eat and taking a nap, you decide it's time to do some research on the e-journals databases. Let us say, on Syrian foreign policy. You start with one database, works fine, and if you are a multitasker like me, you simultaneously search on a second one, and then a third one. The third one returns some interesting hits, and you say, let me get that article. You click on "view as PDF", it takes you to a log in page. Ahh. You try and try and try, but it is of no use. You think, maybe it's my internet, and decide to try it the next day at work. You go to work the next day, you try it, but to no avail. You need username and password. You curse the electronic resources people. You get on the library website, and find an "ask a librarian" link, you write a note explaining that the database is not working. You click submit, and it gives you an error. You try again and again, but again to no avail. So you go back to the library page and look up the names of library staff, and find the one in charge of electronic databases. You write a very angry letter (in the spirit of Angry Anarchist), and send it. A week later, you get an e-mail. A confirmation e-mail from your contact person: "There seems to be a problem with the database." Oh... I didn't know...

Of all the thousands of students and faculty, no one had noticed that there is a problem with the database? What do these people do, daydream all day long? Or is attending the so-called "prestigious" university nothing more than an investment for these people?? May I inform you about Solidere??!

While I am at it, let me have this out of my system once and for all -- I meant to post a rant I wrote a while back, but didn't because it was very nasty. I've cut out the nastiness, and will make do with posting a conversation I had with someone:

X: You have to work with me.
Me: No, I do not have to.
X: Yes, according to the rules and procedures, we decide what you will work on, and with whom.
Me: What rules and procedures? I would like to see those rules and procedures in written form.
X: Um, there is none in written form, but it's nevertheless a policy.
Me: A policy, eh?
X: Yup.
Me: I was not aware of the existence of such a policy. You have to let people know what your policies are if you haven't given them a written notice, before they sign the contract.
X: So why did you sign the contract without asking?
Me: Excuse me? I signed the contract, I did not sign a set of non-existent policies which are only figments of your imagination.
X: But you signed the contract without asking.

After another 30 minutes of back-and-forth:
Me: Look, bottom line, you cannot force me to work with you.
X: You are interfering in my business, that is not up to you!
Me: Oh yes, very much up to me, what will you do, force me? Drag me from home?
X: You are being selfish and undemocratic.
Me: First, what does democracy have to do with this? Second, who said I believe in democracy?
X: What do you believe in, then, dictatorship?
Me: Ha ha ha ... no, I do not believe in anything. Anyway if you are a university functioning under institutions, then these institutions have rules, or are expected to have rules, and you apply those rules. You don't apply non-existent rules.

And didn't you know? Just because Honorable Jeffrey Feltman has handed the president of this very prestigious university a big fat cheque, apparently means, for one American professor, that those who oppose U.S policies are ungrateful. Apparently it's a take-all or leave-all world. Ahh those Americans.

Another funny occurrence involving me and a professor:

X: I'm working on a research paper on Hezb Allah. That's another project that you might be able to help me on.
Me: Ohhh, you are...
X: Yes, but I understand if you don't want to work on it.
Me: Why wouldn't I?
X: Because you know, I mean, Hezb Allah.......
Me: Uh... so? I don't have a problem with Hezb Allah. Besides, what does that have to do with research?
X: Ahh, I should've known. Leftists support Hezb Allah because they (leftists) are anti-American.
Me: What? ...

I love prestige. Don't you?

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posted by Angry Anarchist @ 4/10/2007 07:12:00 PM, ,



The Good, the Bad and ... the Saint
Monday, March 5, 2007

Lebanese university students' favourite daydreaming themes

The Good
This morning:
X: Lebanon will always rise from the ruins and ashes, no matter what. I mean look at what Hariri did.
Me: ... What did he do? ...
X: What do you mean what did he do, he rebuilt Lebanon.
Y: Downtown, hehehe.......
Me: Uh, rebuilt Lebanon? I must've been living on Mars or something?
X: Come on, what would downtown have looked like without him?
Me: And I should care why exactly?
X: Because it attracts people to visit the country!
Me: Walla. Very nice theory. And that actually was worth smashing people's skulls for and vacuuming what little money that was left in their pockets? So you're saying downtown is good for the South Lebanese? Walla, you have a brilliant theory right there.
Z: You know what I think? I think Hariri was one of a kind.
Z1: There's always Sa'ad Hariri.
Z: Yes but no one can fill Rafiq Hariri's shoes.
Me: To be sure...

**
The Bad
This afternoon:
Me: You know, a taxi driver told me the other day that "a Saddam" should rule Lebanon, because that is the only thing that will fix the country.
X: You mean Michel Aoun?
Me: Uh, well, I guess that'd be more like Walid Jumblatt.
Y: Ha ha!! Walid Jumblatt would make a fabulous dictator! Just imagine!

**
The Saint...
This afternoon:
X: But you know, it's not right to say "once a murderer, always a murderer" with regards to Samir Geagea. It just ain't fair.
Me: Oh yes, that's not fair at all. Not fair at all.
X: Yes, because he might have changed.
Me: Yes yes, he might have.
X: Plus, in Lebanon you can't not put things into a historical context. The man was a product of his circumstances.
Me: Yes, that's an ingenious idea, because there is a "historical context" ONLY in Lebanon. But even "if" this "historical context" is not a concept unique to Lebanon, certainly Stalin "could have changed" too. Not to forget our good ol' buddy Hitler. And to be sure they were both products of "their circumstances."

**
I
This afternoon:
X: I want to convert you from leftism.
Me: Uff, now that's some humongous project...
X: Nah it's not too difficult I am sure.
Me: Just some advice, don't waste your time. ;)
Me: Oh, and one more thing, I am not a 'leftist'.
X, Y: What are you?
Me: I'm an anarchist.
Z: So you are a fan of Bakunin?
Me: Actually no, I am not a fan of anyone.
X, Y, Z: ...

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posted by Angry Anarchist @ 3/05/2007 09:59:00 PM, ,



Short Episodes
Monday, February 19, 2007

August 2005
A friend calls me up.
Friend: We are doing a get-together at Starbucks, wanna join us? Everyone wants to meet you, it's been such a long time.
Me: Starbucks?
Friend: Yeah, Starbucks in Zalqa.
Me: No, thanks.
Friend: Why not? You have something to do?
Me: Umm not really.
Friend: So?
Me: I do not set foot in Starbucks.
Friend: ???
Me: Long story. But to keep it short, it is the embodiment of evil. Not only does it support the crimes against the Palestinian people it also ...
Friend: ...
Me: Are you there?
Friend: So you are not coming?
Me: Not unless you change the location. And before you say it, no, I don't go to McDonald's either.
Friend: .... ok... sorry to hear it. It was just for a short while, you don't have to get anything.
Me: Akhhhh.... I told you, I don't set foot in Starbucks.
Friend: Ok. Talk to you later.
Click.
Me: Later. Umm, too late. :)

**
December 2006
A conversation with a taxi driver (who had a rather non-Beiruti accent).
Me: Marhaba, kifak? (Hello, how are you?)
Driver: 'eltili nezle `a Riyad el-Solh? (You said you are going down to Riad el-Solh square?)
Me: Eh, ya`ni a'rab shi `al seha iza btrid (Yes, the closest to the square, if you will)
Driver: Lesh nezle tkhayyme honik? (Why, you're going down to camp there?)
Me: la'... (no...).
Driver: Leki benti baddi 'ellik shaghle. Kell za`im w qa'ed bhal balad `ambyerkod wara maslahto wl sha`ab m`attar. Hal balad bi`omro ma rah ytghayyar. (Look my girl, I want to tell you something. Every za'im and leader in this country is running after their own interest and the people are poor. This country will not change in its life).
Me: ...
Driver: Shufi shufi heyda kif `ambisoo'... mtl el haywenet kl wahed ekhid siyyarto w nezel `al ter'at, mdri shu `ambya`mol. Ta'ellik mshkletna. `anna ktir hurriye. Bas heyda ma hurriye hatta, heyda fawda. (Look look how this one is driving... like animals every one has taken his car and has gone down to the roads, I don't know what he is doing. I will tell you what our problem is. We have too much freedom. But this is not even freedom, this is chaos).
Driver: Ani mosh ma` hada. W 'alil fi hek nes hal iyyem. (I am not with anyone, and rarely are there such people these days).
Driver: El hall el wahid enno yejina wahad mtl Saddam. Nehna sha`ab mabyefham illa iza hada fahhamna shi. (The only solution is that someone like Saddam would come. We are a people that does not understand unless someone made us understand something).
Me: ...

**
Tuesday, Feb. 13, 2007
A conversation:
Person X: We should go out for coffee with the other folks some time.
Me: Yes we should. How about tomorrow?
X: !! What??! You are such a troublemaker.
Me: What? Why?
X: What's wrong with you, tomorrow is Feb. 14*!
Me: Ohhh, uh ... ok....

(* the anniversary of Hariri's assassination)

**
Thursday, Feb. 15, 2007
Walking down a street in "Haririland", I notice a very old man sitting on the sidewalk, in traditional Arabic dress and a white headdress. He seemed in need of help and everyone else was just passing by without paying any attention, as if he did not even exist.
He saw me looking at him curiously and said, "se`dini ya binti se`dini" (help me my girl, help me), and gestured with his walking stick. I thought he needed help to get up and walked up to him and extended my hand. At that instant, a man walked past me, muttering a deliberately audible "tsk tsk". I looked up at him; he was wearing a suit and a tie, carrying some documents. He shook his head and said to himself in a deliberately loud voice, "shu hal sha`ab wlo" (what a people... - in a condescending manner). Well, that pissed me off, not because I thought he was referring to me (he wasn't), but because he was referring in a condescending manner to that old man. I called him, "ya estez, `aib `leik, lezem testehe min halak" (o mister, shame on you, you should be ashamed of yourself). He stopped, turned around, gave me a blank look, shook his head, then turned around and continued walking, while muttering something inaudible.
The old man turned out not to be in need of physical help. He was simply a poor man disrupting people's lives trying to survive.

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posted by Angry Anarchist @ 2/19/2007 02:23:00 PM, ,